Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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