So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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