i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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