What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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