which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
