she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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