the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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