I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
