Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize