Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
