I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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