She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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