Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
