i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize