If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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