But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
