FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I deserve this hangover.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
