My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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