before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
