We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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