just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
