I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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