half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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