you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
