When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
