One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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