If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
