its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
