Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
