I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
