maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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