if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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