I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
