I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
