Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
50% drunk capacity currently
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
