Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
