last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
