I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
