Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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