omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
