just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
