I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
