she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
