would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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