yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
