i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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