My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
