hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
