I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
