Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
