So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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