thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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