thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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