I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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