What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
