just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
