A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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