then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
