Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
