Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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