Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
