You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
